Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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