so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
