Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
