If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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