If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
