I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
