Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
