Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
