Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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