i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
