found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
