Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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