how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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