God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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