I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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