apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
