I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
