fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my being single is dangerous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
