I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
