Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
