She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
