Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
