I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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