It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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