When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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