my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
