New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
