i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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