I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
this is an emotional support booty call
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
