doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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