We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
