the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
