Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
