i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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