I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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