Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just google imaged poop.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
