She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
