I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
