NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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