what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
