This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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