Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
