Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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