Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
