We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my being single is dangerous.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
