i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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