Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
