my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
