Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
