Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
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Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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