I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
