i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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