he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
