she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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