I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
