Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
